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Trust in etiquette? When does flattery cause mistrust?
What if they were sent from a female, Chinese Sales Manager to an older European IT Manager, via SMS, after 10 PM, as part of a business message?
This is a true story, between two international companies doing business in Shanghai. What would such a message mean to you? How would you react to it? Is it a practice of good business etiquette to send such a message? What do you think the Sales Manager really wants? How should the Euro Manager react?
Trust and etiquette are closely related. What makes someone who behaves according to shared etiquette rules more trustworthy? Read on to see if the Sales Manager succeeds…
This rather amusing story definitely has two sides to it, which highlights ways of building up or adversely destroying trust quickly. By ignoring widely accepted international business practices and rules, this Sales Manager put the customer in a situation where he did not feel comfortable, and with which he (at that time) was not accustomed. On the other side, the customer can now look back on the same situation in a different light, through more experience and knowledge of local customs and business practices.
According to international business etiquette, the sales manager’s messages created mistrust, in four ways:
1. Method: brief text messages are too casual for formal business negotiations.
2. Timing: Business SMSs close to midnight can confuse business with pleasure.
3. Language: mixing business language and social/personal messages such as, "You are handsome", and "I want to be very good friends with you" can be misinterpreted, especially between two sexes.
4. Culture: the meaning of friendship in each culture is not identical.
As a result, the IT Manager decided to avoid what he had interpreted as a "risky" situation, and selected a different provider with another sales representative offering a similarly competitive (business) solution but without the late-night, seemingly provocative messages. In this case, the mistrust built by not following international business practices cost the Sales Manager her sale.
The Sales Manager was probably far from making an indecent proposal to the IT manager. In China, business can be a bit different. For the European manager, some insights into his experience in China are highlighted below:
• Due to its speed and reliability, SMS is a widely used mean of communication - even for important business matters.
• Business is often conducted outside the office hours of 9 to 5.
• Lacking language skills, word-for-word or literal translations with the mobile phone dictionary can lead to sometimes funny, sometimes "dangerous" word combinations which cannot be verified by someone at a less advanced level in English.
• The use of "friend" in China often has a completely different contextual meaning than it does in most European countries where this expression is generally limited to peers who usually share rich memories reaching back a long time. The kind words of friendship went beyond European cultural limits to be interpreted as flattering, and manipulative.
Etiquette is an unwritten code of behaviour in each culture that each one finds comfortable. Working globally, it's not surprising that sometimes these do not match across countries. A solution: go with international business etiquette if in doubt. If used well, it builds common ground in a way that is hardly noticed, but deeply influential. Taking this real-life sales example, it was etiquette that played a big role in building (or destroying) trust. Unfortunately, etiquette is most easily observed when it is missing.
By using a common code of behavior, you can build up trust, the "integrity and strength of a relationship", more quickly. In addition to the knowledge of appropriate business and social etiquette rules, sound (English) communication and cultural sensitivity are essential parts of successful international business - from all parties involved.
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